Woman pulls the plug on Christmas gifts to her fully grown relatives after they demand cash instead of presents, leading to a family dispute: ‘I told them why should I?’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Dec 21, 2024 6:00 AM EST

Most of the time, the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year. Times for family gatherings and togetherness. But sometimes, especially when you're part of a big family, not all relatives have the same Christmas cheer in them, and not everyone sees eye to eye when it comes to giving presents and receiving them.

This is what brought this 28-year-old woman to take to Reddit for advice. She and her 30-year-old boyfriend would traditionally buy gifts for all family members, both adults and children. But started feeling that in recent years they were always on the Santa side of the exchange, with their relatives making themselves all too comfortable on the accepting side and not even showing simple gratitude in return.

Some of the family members were not getting gifts for the couple's children, and some of them even complained about the gifts and asked if they could exchange them for cash. And so, this year, the couple decided to change their Christmas gift-giving practices

The original poster is saying Christmas should be about the kids and family time, not adults expecting presents. And the commenters couldn't agree more.

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    xxxxxx
    via Jason_V
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    AITA For Not Buying Christmas Gift For The Adults
    via Dapper_Crazy_7627
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    So I know this is going to sound crazy for most but I'm not buying Christmas gifts for the adults and this all started this year. Here's a little back story; every year my boyfriend 30m and myself 28f we
    via Dapper_Crazy_7627
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    also have two small children 5 and 1 always go out of our way to buy Christmas gifts for our family. Between his family and mine we have about 13 adults and 4 children that includes us as well. We always go out our way
    via Dapper_Crazy_7627
  • 05
    to be sure to get one gift that the person really wants and a cheaper gift so 2 gifts per person and a bunch of small gift for the kids. Well the past few years we've noticed we haven't been getting the same amount of
    via Dapper_Crazy_7627
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    effort put back towards us. We've heard family complain while opening gift that they don't like their gift or that it looked cheap and wondered if they could return it to get cash back in return. When its something they
    via Dapper_Crazy_7627
  • 07
    have told us numerous of times they wanted. So fast forward last month I told everyone I'm not buying gifts for the adults just the children this year and our families are completely losing it on that
    via Dapper_Crazy_7627
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    they aren't getting a gifts this year. I told them why should I? Every year they complain on how terrible or cheap the gifts are and they have been skipping out on getting OUR kids gifts. That if they want something they are
    via Dapper_Crazy_7627
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    more than welcome to buy it for themselves and that I don't want them buying me anything just my kids cause they are the ones that really matter. That I plan on baking home goods for everyone
    via Dapper_Crazy_7627
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    peanut butter cookies, cinnamon roll crumble cakes, and etc of what they want and they still aren't happy. I told them then you don't have to receive
    via Dapper_Crazy_7627
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    anything at all. That Christmas isn't about the adults getting stuff its about the children and to be able to spend time together. So reddit AITA for not but Christmas gifts?
    via Dapper_Crazy_7627
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    cloudysparks • 6h ago • NTA. It's understandable that you'd stop buying gifts for adults when they haven't appreciated your efforts in the past. Focusing on your kids and the true spirit of
    via cloudysparks
  • 13
    Christmas makes sense. You've explained your reasons, and it's okay to adjust your gift-giving.
    via cloudysparks
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    Tally0987654321 • 7h ago Certified Proctolog|st [20] NTA As our family has grown, we only buy gifts for the kids. We do a gift exchange for the adults, so everyone has one gift. Set
    via Tally0987654321
  • 15
    an amount ($50, $75, $100), whatever your family is comfortable with. Draw names (we do it over Zoom) and buy one gift. Then no one can complain about anyone being cheap, we all spend the same.
    via Tally0987654321
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    pinkbutterfly87 • 7h ago • Part ipant [2] NTA but I don't think it was something that needed to be announced. I have a large family too and don't buy adult gifts either. I focus
    via pinkbutterfly87
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    on making the holidays memorable for the children and haven't had any problems. You probably won't get any gifts going forward so you should be prepared for that.
    via pinkbutterfly87
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    AmethystsinAugust ⚫ 7h ago Part ipant [1] ΝΤΑ You gave them plenty of notice to adjust their plans accordingly.
    via AmethystsinAugust
  • 19
    We also decided against adult gifts this year. One group chose to do Secret Santa for adults (which has been a train wreck tbf) and another group opted for a white elephant.
    via AmethystsinAugust
  • 20
    bigshot33 7h ago • NTA. I didn't have to really read your story to make this judgement.
    via bigshot33
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    Christmas in regards to presents is about the children. The prices of things drastically increase around the holidays.
    via bigshot33
  • 22
    My mother wants gifts and wants to give gifts to the adults. It's gets way to expensive. Because you either buy something small for $30 for each of the
    via bigshot33
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    couple or go in and do $50 for a couple. Now since your family is huge like mine it gets real expensive real fast. My dad has 2 step sisters
    via bigshot33
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    and a step mother. So $50 each turns into $200. That's a lot of money. Plus an extra $100 for the kids turns into $300 fast.
    via bigshot33
  • 25
    I wish adults would grow out of this because it can be super stressful. I feel like as adults if you want something you should be able to buy it on your own. Imo.
    via bigshot33
  • 26
    Gnarly 314 5h ago • My family hasn't given adult gifts for years. We gave cash to nieces and nephews cash until they reached 21 years
    via Gnarly_314
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    old. The only person to complain about this was a SIL who only gave my children chocolate or sweets.
    via Gnarly_314
  • 28
    I wouldn't be inclined to buy gifts for people who are ungrateful and disparaging the item in front of you.
    via Gnarly_314

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Tags

relatives christmas family drama aita presents drama Secret Santa family feud merry christmas couples adulthood santa family santa claus Reddit holidays couple
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